Five awesome military toys to buy, when you become a warlord.

Even when you're a feared dictator, it can be tough work keeping the world pressed firmly under your diamond encrusted boots. Here are five essential tools you'll need, to keep those pesky coups at bay.

#1: Your own personal exoskeleton

So, you've single-handedly seized power of an army nation, probably through strong-armed political or military tactics. Good stuff. But, now what? You're facing potentially decades of assassination attempts, and back strain (from converting all of the country's assets into easily-transportable gold bricks). What you need now are real "strong arms". Wearable, mechanical ones, capable of crushing assassins and juggling gold, ideally at the same time. You need the XOS 2.

---

#2: A silent all-terrain-vehicle, mini-gun optional

From time to time you'll need to check in on your oil fields and "peaceful" (yeah, right) nuclear facilities. You could take the armoured limousine convoy as usual, but, let's face it, the TV is better in the palace anyway, and those bumpy dirt tracks cause you to spill more of your $1,000-per-bottle champagne than you would like. Enter the Hy-DRA. This silent military-grade offroader will get you wherever you need to be, and will keep you looking totally bad-ass in the process.

Dictator-tip: Get the mini-gun package and easily deal with insubordination on the move!

---

#3: The naval destroyer, for fishing, mostly

Warlords don't do dinghies. If you want to get out on the waters and catch some cod, you need to get the DDG 1000 Destroyer. After all, careful engineering has ensured that this monstrous mountain of floating metal emits the same radar signature as a small fishing vessel. It's perfect. Equipped with enough fire-power to raise half of the ocean floor, you're sure to catch at least one of every aquatic species that isn't extinct, and one or two that are (now).

---

#4: Gigantic observation balloons

Every country has radar nowadays to detect incoming missiles and such, it's nothing special. But, not everyone has humongous balloons of doom looming over their territory, scanning the skies and ground alike for incoming projectiles, aircraft, and vehicles. Now YOU can. Plus, nothing quite says "I'm keeping my eye on you" like gigantic, anchored, blimps -- possibly with your face painted on -- hovering over your borders day and night.

---

#5: A fully integrated intercontinental ballistic missile defence system

Ok, so, this one might set you back a few summer mansions, some of your favourite 30-foot-tall golden statues of yourself, and maybe an island or two, but you totally need this. Europe already has one. Sure, you might be thinking "Pffft, intercontinental ballistic missiles? That's so 1962." Still, when the chips are down, and you've sold out on your last allied nation (probably while trying to buy back those golden statues), you'll sleep a lot better at night knowing that your nuclear-missile-swatting network is eagerly watching the sky. Just don't run out of the oil you'll need to power it all...

So there you have it, the five most awesome military toys you need to buy when you become a warlord, because all serious dictators need this stuff.